I finally snapped last night. The weight of keeping my feelings in so as to not stress out my husband more finally was too much for me to hold. His job takes so much out of him. 6-7 days a week 60+ hours and no time for us. I told him I was sick and tired of us getting what’s left of him after he’s given everything else of himself to his boss, employees, customers. I told him he’s always done this for as long as we’ve been together. Never taking vacations with the girls and I when they were younger. Always putting work before his family. I told him I wish he would just give me half the effort he puts into his job into our marriage. That’s all.
After what this family has gone through the last three years I just want something different. I thought it was going to wake him up and truly change him. Where he would see what he wasn’t putting into the marriage. I know it made me wake up. I saw changes early on after the affair was over, but now we’re just back to him pouring himself into his job and not doing the real work to heal our marriage. I’m not sure if he does this because of his work ethic or to not truly connect with me and deal with the issues.
And then I feel selfish for being mad and feeling the way I do. I should be grateful that my husband works as hard as he does to provide the life we have. I’m so used to being independent and now I’m more dependent then ever on him financially and I don’t like it. I told him all of this. Why in the fuck am I complaining about him working so much when I’m not busy at work right now and I’m still able to have the life I have? I just want to spend quality time with my husband. I just want to feel that everything I went through the last three years wasn’t in vain.