It’s been over three months since I’ve posted anything. Really haven’t had much to write about. I have gotten through oldest daughter’s 19th birthday, husband’s birthday and lil ones 13th birthday and now I must make it through the holidays. One down, one to go. Unfortunately my heart isn’t in it this year. I didn’t even go black Friday shopping. The girls have been out of town since Friday. They went up north for their great grandfather’s 100th birthday. Husband and I didn’t go since he just started a new job in July and I wasn’t going to go without him, so we decided to just send the kids. 

So here I am sitting at home alone since they left. Husband has been working open to close since Friday. I’ve gone out but don’t even care to shop for Christmas. I’ve attempted to start putting up the tree and decorate and didn’t even finish that yesterday. I feel so alone, so depressed. Husband and I even said that we were going to have wonderful alone time while the girls were gone. That hasn’t happened. I should be grateful he has a good job that provides a wonderful life for us. Instead I’m resentful of the time it takes from us. Unfortunately it’s more him going above and beyond for his employers, as always and myself and his kids get what’s left over of his time. I don’t know if I can continue living like this. 18 years though is a long time to walk away even after the shit storm he brought into our lives. I’m just lonely and tired. I was hoping his affair and the aftermath was going to wake up our marriage and change something in it for maybe the better. Nope. Wishful thinking I suppose.